What Is A Friend?

I lost a friend this week. Because of quick responses and not realizing that intent and impact are two different things. My heart mourns, we were close friends for almost 7 years. It is interesting because they say if you can make it past 7 years, you'll last for a lifetime. Unfortunately, we did not. I realized that there is a line that I have to draw to ensure I am not taken advantage of. When that line was drawn, this time, the person on the other end, did not like that. This post is not to recap the series of the events because, truly it was a lot, this post to help me navigate my new reality. 

I talked to this friend about once a week. We Happy Houred a few times a month and she was one of my bridesmaids. To me, I'm thinking, wow, adult friendships are hard to navigate and some just fizzle out. We continuously kept up with each other and was very present in each other's lives. Well, come to find out, it was only felt that way from one side, my side. 

There was a conversation that, to me, came out of nowhere, where my presence at her house was being counted. As in, I've been to your house x amount of times and you've only been to mine, 4 times. As a married adult with a dog and only one car, I expect my friends to understand that I have other priorities above being a friend. I am a wife first and friend second. I also have that understanding on my end, as well. To me, a friend is someone who makes you laugh about the smallest things, someone you can call and talk about anything, someone who makes you feel warm when around them, someone who just loves you as a person. NOT someone who counts the hangouts, says rude/mean things and tells you not to take it personally or that wasn't their intention. Not someone who makes you feel uncomfortable for having a difference of an opinion. NOT someone who can't / won't apologize when you've expressed to them that what they said really hurt your feelings. 

This time, I fought back, and it ended with us going our separate ways. I felt that a friend of mine does NOT make me feel like I'm not doing enough, does NOT make me feel uncomfortable in my own home, does NOT EXPECT me to bend completely backwards to the point of uncomfortability to myself to make them feel comfortable when the solution could be so simple. My friends are quick to apologize ad slow to anger. My friends don't question me when I say I can't or won't do something. Now don't get me wrong, going out your way for your friends is what friends do but, there doesn't need to be a score keeper. If you don't like the way they move then move back, redirect your energy but don't blame them on not reaching your invisible expectations. We all have lives outside of our friends and at the end of the day we cannot dictate one's reactions to your actions. Surround yourself with those who love you, don't judge you and are careful with your words. If anything you say can be negatively interpreted, I would be very careful saying it to your friends because, as stated before, your intent does not affect the impact -- that's on them and you can't control how they feel from what you said. Choose your words wisely and just be nice. There's nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do and if that person makes you feel uneasy, it's okay to just back away slowly.